Fear

The last few weeks, I have been living a life of fear. Fear for the safety of my daughter and of myself. The last several months I have been screamed at, sworn at, lied extensively about, my name has been slandered within and outside of the court system, and it's even been insinuated that I have hurt my daughter. My lawyer, on my behalf, has been pleading with the courts to step in and help me and Ruby out but nothing has been done and the situation, and volatility, keeps escalating. My family and friends are afraid for my safety and the daycare as well - as has been reported to the courts. I have hid in my home the last 3 weeks, doing nothing but going to work/daycare, afraid to meet my abuser around town.

This morning I went to a local intervention center and no progress was made. Basically, they said because the abuse has not yet turned physical, there is nothing they can do. I wept and told them how afraid I am for my daughter's safety and they shrugged their shoulders at me. They said to call Child Protection Services. I got to my car and called CPS... they said the same thing. They can't help me.

I am sure, in the coming weeks, things will get much worse. My lawyer is going to send a few more things to court and told me to have someone with me at all times when I'm out and about, and to put a deadbolt on my door. I will do those things but I want it known - when things turn very ugly - that I sought help and WAS DENIED by the very system that was put in place to help people in my situation.

I am at my wits end. I feel like I am helpless to protect my daughter and myself. I have never felt so helpless or alone in my life.