My dearest Ruby,
Yesterday was a hard day for us both. You were supposed to
spend some time with your father and things got out of hand. You were scared,
as was I, and I took you home. Ruby, I want you to know how much I love you and
that I am so sorry you were scared.
You are just over 9 months old and I am afraid that life has
dealt a difficult hand to you. I lay awake at night worrying about your future,
about how to prepare you for how difficult life can be, and I pray. I pray that
God provides me with the tools and resources I need to teach you that life is not
easy and it is often not fair, but it is beautiful.
Yesterday, your Grandma (my mom) was with us during our hard
day. She held me as I cried and played with you on the living room floor. She
made us dinner as I sat numbly in the chair watching you play. She was a rock
for me. For us both. Every day, she teaches me what it means to be a wonderful
mother and how to love unconditionally. I will be that for you, Ruby. When life
is unfair and so difficult that it hurts your heart, I will be there for you,
to comfort you, hold you, brush away your tears, and remind you that life is
also beautiful.
I love you to the moon and back. You are my dreams come
true.
Love,
mama
1 comment:
Dear Courageous Momma:
Some of what we do as mommas is a waste of time. I worried, and fret, and cried, and felt mountains of guilt that my son's family life was not the perfect one I had always envisioned. Despite my pain-filled heart, he became a wonderful adult. I wish I had not allowed so much hurt and fear to rule our days. I wish I had simply reveled in the never-ending love I have for him and spent our time in joy, learning, exploring, and living life to its fullest. I regret not being able to say the simple truths to his father, I often bit my tongue so as not to cause any stress and fighting in my son's life. That man enjoyed manipulating my brokenness. I wish I could've told that man what a jackass he was a long time ago, without all the fear that ruled me. Twenty-three years later, everything has been said and there is peace. I pray for you, Brave, Ruby-loving momma. :)
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