You make me so funny

Oh, my kid.

She turns 5 years old in just under 2 months. Her sense of humor is exploding and I love it. I've noticed that, developmentally, things happen in big bursts with her. Maybe that's all kids. There have been spurts when I've seen her sense of humor blossom before and I'm thrilled to see it happen again. Partly because it's so cool but also because there's nothing better than hearing her laugh.

Today we were at the park. It was 29 degrees and she was bundled the most she's been bundled yet this winter. (I admit, it's difficult getting used to the extra bulk again!) She was trying to climb this rope jungle-gym thing, and she went to raise her foot to the next rope up and with her extra bulk she couldn't lift her leg high enough, she was about 3 inches short. She tried once. Breathy chuckle. Tried again. Bubbly giggle. Tried again and didn't get any closer than her previous 2 attempts and she began to giggle so hard, I was nervous she would lose her grip and fall. I cannot fully express my delight in seeing her laugh at herself (especially at something she "failed"). I cracked up too, mostly because it was comical to see her see the humor in herself. So deliciously awesome.

In addition to those kinds of moments (there have been plenty the last week or two), she is highly conscious of the effect she has on making me laugh. I have to be careful to not laugh when she's not trying to make me laugh; which is difficult because she's naturally a super funny kid. But if she isn't trying to make me laugh, and I laugh, she gets self conscious and feels I'm laughing at her in a mocking way. We've been working on this and I've tried to explain how these situations work. She's beginning to get it now. It's so fun to be her mom.

(When she was littler she mixed up the words "funny" and "laugh." Occasionally she still does.
So instead of saying "you make me laugh" she would say "you make me funny," which is even better, I think. Another post on all the words she's used or gotten mixed up that have sent my heart aflutter.)

New Love

Yoga has always been fascinating to me but I have somewhat a love/hate relationship with it. I would love to become a dedicated yogi, but I lack the discipline, which tells me that I probably need yoga more than I realize. Anyhow, this past summer (while Ruby was away) I took a few outdoor yoga classes from an instructor who has a studio in town. The outdoor classes were held at different parks, and women of all ages stumbled up in yoga pants, messy buns, a yoga mat in one arm, a coffee cup in the other arm. I don't know if it was the yoga, the outdoors on a beautiful Saturday morning, the instructor's hippie–love vibe, or a combo, but I left those classes feeling euphoric. I found my groove in these classes.

I had taken yoga classes before and I always left a bit disappointed. Yoga is a mind–body–spirit practice and the classes I had taken felt like simply a body workout. With daily stress, a nonstop schedule, a billion things to remember, I need the mind and spirit workout also. I never went back.

Well, I follow the instructor's studio on Facebook and closely watch the schedule for upcoming classes that may fit with my life (single working mother, who can never seem to get organized enough to not feel frazzled). It never seems to work, as I would have to get childcare for the classes I would like to take and the combination of the cost for the class, the cost for a babysitter, and the organization of both = too much effort. I have stuck to the occasional practice at home with videos online and a 45 pound child hanging from my Warrior 1 or sliding under my Downward-Facing Dog.

Last week, I spotted a class that might work "Fundamentals of Yoga: ALL are welcome!" ALL? Even antsy-pantsy 4 year olds? Turns out: YES! Ruby and I went to the Fundamentals of Yoga last night, where we were taught about breath, intention, and the basic poses. It was wonderful. The class was not held at the yoga studio, but at Development Homes and we had a motley crew of participants. There were a few special-needs ladies there (with their care-takers sitting quietly to the side), a couple of elderly ladies, a couple ladies my age, and Rubes. Now, out of that crew, I suspected Ruby would be the most disruptive. I was wrong. Ruby did surprisingly well. I think it was a little slower paced for her, but overall, she did fantastic. The special-needs ladies beside me nearly had me dying from holding the laughter inside. Their little comments throughout the whole class "This is too damn hard!" - with the caretaker shushing them then correcting them "Your right leg. Right leg!" Ugh, too much for me! I was smirking inwardly the whole time.

I loved the commentary (the instructor did too) but the icing on the cake was during Savasana (or Corpse pose). The room was very dark, and the indie music was playing low. The instructor was walking slowly around the room quietly talking about intentions and sending love out into the world. Ruby squirmed quietly next to me on her mat. The special needs woman to my right whispered "I just farted."

I died. Apparently, everyone else did too.

The caretakers all got the giggles and were trying to settle down, and I lay there on my mat in the dark, silently laughing so hard the tears were falling into my hair. I died! Ruby wiggled over to me and snuggled in, then asked me why I'm crying and I silently laughed even harder. I had composed myself by the end of Savasana, but when we left and got in the car, I had to let it out. I kept thinking the exact tone she said those simple words "I just farted" accompanied by the dismay and hilarity of the care-taking ladies (the sound of their struggle, trying to compose themselves in the dark!) and I couldn't help myself. I laughed so hard I cried again.

Now, that is some good yoga. By far the best class I have been to - and I will say: my mind, body, and spirit were quite renewed afterwards!

I am back

I am back. This blog has been somewhat of a home to me but, for the last 2 years or so, I have neglected it because of outside issues. After reevaluating my life and focusing on things that bring me joy, I have decided to come back here and leave some thoughts, again. I have missed it and I did not know I missed it until I sat down to write this.

Lately, I have been hungry to grow and learn myself a little more. I think that is a quality that I will always have: the hunger for knowledge. Recently, it has been of myself. Among other searching, I have taken lots of personality tests and read and read and read on my personality type (Myers Briggs: INFJ). One description really resonated with me: that INFJs communicate best by writing. This is so true for me. Writing gives me the time and space I need to form thoughts and feelings and opinions - and at times I don't know how I feel about things until I write. As with all things, I think there are pluses and minuses to this. But in saying that, I feel like this is a good outlet for me. I can share my thoughts and musings and put that out into the world (or, a select number of friends who are interested enough to stop by now and then).

I have also been seriously debating closing my social media, namely, Facebook. There is so much negativity and ignorance on there and every time I close my Facebook browser, I feel a little more hollow and disappointed, and sometimes sad. The difficult part in that is missing out on updates from my closest friends. I would also miss sharing stories and the occasional photo of Ruby, because, let's face it: she's amazing. But I also wonder about her privacy and her feelings regarding me sharing her life...

 Always, so much to think about. But, I am back... and it feels good.