Friday, February 12, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Remember me
I read an article today about desire. What it really means and what it does to a person. (http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Desire-in-Relationships-What-Really-Causes-Attraction/1)
Without going into the details of desire and all it's complications, one point was that "...in desiring we are in some ways loving ourselves, trying to find ourselves. What I discovered is that this idea—that self-awareness comes into being when we see ourselves reflected in another person's eyes—is a fundamental idea in much of Western philosophy."
To see ourselves reflected in another person's eyes... To see myself reflected in someone else's eyes. I take this to heart, not in a romantic light necessarily, but in a general sense. My mom and other people I love have commented on how I keeping wanting and desiring something more in my life, always more. But I never know what more it is that I want. This article shed a little light on that for me; I want to see myself in someone's eyes.
At the risk of sounding overly sentimental and self-pitying, people don't remember me. I can meet certain people 3 or 4 times and they don't recall my name or even meeting me before. It doesn't happen occassionally but all the time. This has happened all my life. I'm used to it and even find it funny now (realizing that they are the ones feeling foolish). The reasons are varied and fairly obvious but it really doesn't matter either way.
I'd like to find that something that makes them remember me. Something more that will make me reflect in their eyes. I want to be remembered.
Without going into the details of desire and all it's complications, one point was that "...in desiring we are in some ways loving ourselves, trying to find ourselves. What I discovered is that this idea—that self-awareness comes into being when we see ourselves reflected in another person's eyes—is a fundamental idea in much of Western philosophy."
To see ourselves reflected in another person's eyes... To see myself reflected in someone else's eyes. I take this to heart, not in a romantic light necessarily, but in a general sense. My mom and other people I love have commented on how I keeping wanting and desiring something more in my life, always more. But I never know what more it is that I want. This article shed a little light on that for me; I want to see myself in someone's eyes.
At the risk of sounding overly sentimental and self-pitying, people don't remember me. I can meet certain people 3 or 4 times and they don't recall my name or even meeting me before. It doesn't happen occassionally but all the time. This has happened all my life. I'm used to it and even find it funny now (realizing that they are the ones feeling foolish). The reasons are varied and fairly obvious but it really doesn't matter either way.
I'd like to find that something that makes them remember me. Something more that will make me reflect in their eyes. I want to be remembered.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Love and pounds
The Biggest Loser was on Tuesday night and it's really the only show I think is worth my time to watch on a regular basis. So, the season premiere showed some of the hugest contestants they have ever had. The biggest guy was 500-some pounds. It was incredibly sad. What I found even sadder were the single contestants. Several claimed they had never had relationships or been kissed because they supposedly have been too fat to be wanted or loved. My heart broke when one guy claimed he'd had a few relationships but always pushed the girl away because he didn't believe a girl could really love a 400 pound man.
This makes me wonder about weight and love.
Is a man at 400 pounds a different man then at 200 pounds? I believe so. I believe with the drop of 200 pounds, a person would drop a ton of insecurities. Because a man is 400 pounds and—maybe, maybe not—riddled with insecurities, does that make him unattractive or unsexy? I hope not. However, to me, confidence is the sexiest trait a person can have. Certainly a 400 pound man can have confidence, but how often is that truly the case? Studies have shown that thin, attractive people find more solid mates, better jobs, and are offered more opportunities than obese people – certainly that is a blow to confidence. Overweight people are viewed as lazy, sloppy, unhealthy, and not “put together.” The social effects of being obese are prominent and probably more brutal than most (fit) people realize.
What about physical appeal? Just by watching the transformations of contestant on previous seasons of Biggest Loser, the thin version of the contestant is undoubtedly more physically attractive than the obese version. That is to say that the obese version of the contestant was not also attractive (sometimes). But how much of this is ingrained social stigma? When the weight is shed, so are all the negative suggestions of laziness and sloppiness… huge factors in overall attractiveness.
It also has been proven, often times when a person is overweight he or she makes up in personality what he/she does not have in looks/fitness. A person may become more witty, savvy, or humorous to compensate the negative social stigma of obesity. Along with confidence, I also find wittiness, savvy, and humor to be very attractive traits. It makes me wonder if when a person loses the weight and insecurities, do the attractive traits disappear too? Or to some extent? The price and health of fitness is certainly worth it, but if it's the case that those qualities can be lost also, it is a very sad thing indeed. Instead of large, fun-loving people, we may become thin, vapid waifs. Then, maybe I'm over-generalizing.
But I digress.
What it seems to boil down to, are the mental and emotional qualities of a person large enough to overcome the negativities of being overweight? I think there are wonderful qualities in every human, and if we can look past our prejudices and judgments we can see the beauty (and sexiness) in every person. Because a man is 400 pounds and has not had a relationship or been kissed does not mean he is undesirable—physically, intellectually, or emotionally. It seems to mean that no one has yet taken the chance to find those beautiful qualities inside him.
This makes me wonder about weight and love.
Is a man at 400 pounds a different man then at 200 pounds? I believe so. I believe with the drop of 200 pounds, a person would drop a ton of insecurities. Because a man is 400 pounds and—maybe, maybe not—riddled with insecurities, does that make him unattractive or unsexy? I hope not. However, to me, confidence is the sexiest trait a person can have. Certainly a 400 pound man can have confidence, but how often is that truly the case? Studies have shown that thin, attractive people find more solid mates, better jobs, and are offered more opportunities than obese people – certainly that is a blow to confidence. Overweight people are viewed as lazy, sloppy, unhealthy, and not “put together.” The social effects of being obese are prominent and probably more brutal than most (fit) people realize.
What about physical appeal? Just by watching the transformations of contestant on previous seasons of Biggest Loser, the thin version of the contestant is undoubtedly more physically attractive than the obese version. That is to say that the obese version of the contestant was not also attractive (sometimes). But how much of this is ingrained social stigma? When the weight is shed, so are all the negative suggestions of laziness and sloppiness… huge factors in overall attractiveness.
It also has been proven, often times when a person is overweight he or she makes up in personality what he/she does not have in looks/fitness. A person may become more witty, savvy, or humorous to compensate the negative social stigma of obesity. Along with confidence, I also find wittiness, savvy, and humor to be very attractive traits. It makes me wonder if when a person loses the weight and insecurities, do the attractive traits disappear too? Or to some extent? The price and health of fitness is certainly worth it, but if it's the case that those qualities can be lost also, it is a very sad thing indeed. Instead of large, fun-loving people, we may become thin, vapid waifs. Then, maybe I'm over-generalizing.
But I digress.
What it seems to boil down to, are the mental and emotional qualities of a person large enough to overcome the negativities of being overweight? I think there are wonderful qualities in every human, and if we can look past our prejudices and judgments we can see the beauty (and sexiness) in every person. Because a man is 400 pounds and has not had a relationship or been kissed does not mean he is undesirable—physically, intellectually, or emotionally. It seems to mean that no one has yet taken the chance to find those beautiful qualities inside him.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
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