Growing trust

My family and I have exchanged the phrase "life never gets any easier" so many times the past couple of months that it's like a burned-in reminder and it certainly seems to be true lately. I have to admit that I have been letting it drag me down a bit. It's difficult. I won't go into any details because it's in God's hands. But it's the heaviest troubles I've ever faced and it breaks my heart that I am in this boat. I've been gaining weight and losing sleep at an alarming rate. I have been focusing on the negative in the situation and letting anger and fear control me.

Yesterday, I realized this and saw this as the reason that it's been so difficult for me to lift my chin lately. For the last several years now I have been happier, more content, and focused on my health and well-being than I have been the last 20 years. It feels like that has been melting away the last couple of months and yesterday I realized what I must do.

I must trust God. I have to. It is my only life-line. It is something I have never been good at. I also need to refocus myself and turn toward the positives and reach for things that make me happy and fill my cup. I look forward to refocusing on that because I know that is what makes me feel better. I need to set goals for myself and redefine my priorities. I need to stop letting the mole-hills become mountains, and wishing for the mountains to become mole-hills.  I need to see the mountains for what they are and accept them. Yes, this is awful. Yes, this is scary and maddening, but I need to accept that it is what it is. However, I do NOT need to accept that this is my fate. Wishing doesn't do much unless you provide the action that pushes it from a wish to reality. Yes, I wish my situation were different but it does nothing to wish unless I act upon my will. I choose to not accept this for my life and will work towards a better outcome. I will fight tooth and nail for my family, my health, and my happiness. I won't give up and I won't back down. It won't be easy, but I am working on trust in God to help me through. I certainly can't do this without Him. That realization has already made the process, if not easier, lighter. I am not alone in this battle. Thank God for that. Literally.