Two (and a half)

My dearest Muffinmix,

I have been meaning to write you for so long now, but it has really been tough to find the words to encompass who you are at two and a half and what it is like to be your mommy. Every day your personality blooms and I find myself pausing, waiting to hear what you say next. You are clever and bright and say the most delightful, thoughtful things. You are concerned about everyone; you never want to leave anyone out or behind and your love for others is apparent in all you do. Sometimes, I have to restrain myself from worrying about you because you have an extremely tender heart and you worry and get lonesome rather easily. One evening a few weeks ago, I was putting you to bed and you snuggled up and whispered, “Mommy, I’m sad.” I asked why. “I miss Gamma Papa.” And your eyes filled with tears and your bottom lip stuck out. I reassured you that they miss you too and that we would call them the next day and we would see them soon. You were comforted by this but the very next morning you made the same comment on the way to daycare as you solemnly gazed out the window. Your love is abundant and overwhelming, I think. Even with your babies and stuffed animals, you love and comfort them. Tuck them in at night and kiss and hug them after a long day. You never want to leave one out, as you think they all have feelings. I remember doing the same as a child, and so I will never discourage you. Some people believe sensitivity is a bad, or even weak, characteristic. It isn’t, Ruby. Being sensitive is, at times, really hard but don’t ever regret it because it means you have a loving, empathetic heart. It means you feel emotions deeply and love strongly and dare greatly.

The last month or two, your knowledge and intellect have exploded. You can count to 40, know all of your ABCs, your shapes, all the days of the week, most of your colors, both bedtime and meal-time prayers… You can “read” (completely recite) several of your favorite books. You know more songs by heart than I do. In fact, you have had to teach me a few songs you have learned at daycare so that I can sing along. You are learning to color inside the lines and to draw. Last week, you drew me a puppy with a round head and when I asked where his eyes were, you drew two little circles at the top of the circle and two little loops outside the circle for the ears and a line for the mouth. I was in absolute shock! It was incredible and you were so proud of yourself. When I asked about the puppy’s legs, you looked down at yourself and examined your arms and legs but you were a bit confused as to how to add them to your picture. It was wonderfully hilarious and I will keep the puppy picture forever. At daycare yesterday, you and your classmates painted pictures. All the other kids drew their mommies or siblings or houses (even though all the pictures looked like multi-colored blobs). What did you draw? An octopus! (I wasn’t even hurt that you chose to not draw me! I was delighted that you thought “outside the box”!) Your imagination is exploding and I am so excited to see what each day brings to you.

The questions you come up with lately have been startling and pretty amazing. The select few here are some of the doozie questions you have asked me the last couple of weeks:

1. Where do dinosaurs live? (When I told you that they are extinct and asked if you knew what extinct meant, you said, “Dinosaurs are gone. But where?” !!!)
2. Where does the moon live?
3. What do elephants eat?
4. What color is my butt? (When you bent over and mooned me one Saturday morning – you were so mischievous and full of giggles!)
5. Mommy, why do you love me so much?

The last question nearly made my heart stop. I listed some of your wonderful qualities, but you became bored with it and wandered off to feed your babies. I was haunted all evening by your question, and even worse, by my answer. Would you think that if you weren’t those wonderful qualities that I wouldn’t love you? Do you think you have to be perfect for my love? I hope not. Long after you went to bed, I considered over and over a more appropriate answer. The next morning, I asked if you remembered your question from the evening before. You did. I gave you the only true answer in my heart. “Because God gave me you. God wanted me to have the most wonderful gift, so He gave me you. You are all I have ever wanted. I love you when you are good and I love you when you are naughty. I love you when you are happy and when you are crabby. I will always love you so much.” That answer gave me the biggest grin and a choking squeeze around the neck.

At 2 and ½ years old, you are game for about anything. Any suggestion I make, even the really horrible ones (help me take out garbage!) you answer with “Yeah, sure!” and eagerly lend a hand. You are always willing to help, to find, to reassure. A couple weeks ago, when we found out that Grandma Lorina was in the hospital you told me “Don’t worry, Mommy. Grandma Lorina be ok. Doctors give her medicine and she feel much better.” You reassured me several times that Grandma is going to be ok, and you were right. You have talked about Grandma Lorina every day since and ask to see photos and video of her. This makes me so happy, as I have been hoping and praying that you will have wonderful memories of her when you are grown.

You are such a well-behaved two year old, that when I write that I feel I have to knock on wood because the tables could turn at any moment. The only time you are ever uncooperative or sassy is when you haven’t had enough sleep or are hungry. A few weeks ago, we had gone to the Potato Bowl Parade and arrived home an hour after your normal lunch and naptime. You had a complete and utter meltdown once we got home. There was nothing I could do to console you. Once you had cried it out, you came to me with arms lifted for me to pick you up. I picked you up and you seamlessly curled your body around me and grabbed a piece of my hair to run through your mouth. Your tears soaked the shoulder of my shirt and your snot smeared on my neck. I snuggled you close and after we ate lunch, we had a nap in my bed, with your sturdy, tiny body curved tightly to my side. The profound sense of mommyhood hit me after you had fallen asleep. That during your meltdown, you were struggling to pull it together all by yourself. But you knew. You knew the safe place to be when you had had enough was my arms. That will always be true, Ruby. I hope you always know that I will be your safe place.

I love you… so much.

Mommy