Needles - not just for torture anymore!

When my depression recently came back with a royal smack in the face, it made me realize that I once again have to take the bull by the horns and maneuver my life into something a bit more manageable. I seriously considered going back to the doctor and getting anti-depressants, and it hit me at how low I must have become to actually consider that possibility again. I was on enough drugs to kill a small elephant at one point of my life and it did me absolutely no good and it took me a long time to realize I was in a walking coma. And it took me a long time to get out of it and find some sort of balance. This new round of the big D would have to be fought with something different - medication would be the very last option.

Then someone suggested I try acupuncture. I have gone through 3 acupuncture treatments now. Let me tell you how terrified I was at the first appointment! My hands sweated, my body shook, and when the 40 or so needles were in place, I cried. Immediately I felt different. Not necessarily better; just different. I lay there watching the shade of depression slowly pull back to show me a fluorescent ceiling of clarity… and reality. That was not something I had seen in a long time. I have been wandering around under this Charlie Brown cloud for so long that I'm not really sure who I am anymore. I laid there imagining how I would be, the person I would become, when I am “healed.” But what a silly thought! Acupuncture is not going to make me into some new marvelous person... the prom queen princess that I often have longed to be. As disappointing as it was to think that acupuncture isn’t going to fix all my problems and make me into this beautiful, ideal woman, I wondered if the absence of my depression might.

I have found that the most beautiful people to me are the ones filled with happiness and laughter - you can see it beaming from their smiles and shining from their eyes. It isn't the highlights or lipstick or bulging muscles, it's the heart inside of them. Cheesy as it may sound, it's the absolute truth. I haven't seen that kind of peace and happiness in myself in so long that it makes me sad to think about it. When I shed this heavy blanket of disgust and disappointment of depression (and I have high hopes that acupuncture might do just that), maybe my eyes will shine with something more than tears. Maybe then I will be the beautiful, happy person I have always wished myself to be.