I'm expecting a baby girl March 5. Exactly 2 months from today. I can barely contain my excitement!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Conundrum
This has been the summer of change. I haven't posted in a while because my life has exploded before my very eyes and although there is so much to say, I can't find the words. It has been a summer of learning... learning acceptance, love, forgiveness, patience, and most importantly, trust. Trust in God (something I have never, ever been good at).
I feel like I have sat the summer in contemplative meditation. I think it is time to start taking action. I need to develop a plan and work it through by baby steps.
I feel like I have sat the summer in contemplative meditation. I think it is time to start taking action. I need to develop a plan and work it through by baby steps.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Independence weekend
This past weekend was Independence Day weekend. The weather was spectacular. Maybe it felt especially amazing after our non-existent summer thus far. I find it hard to conjure up the words to describe a beautiful summer day in Minnesota, but here I will try to describe how I experience the magic of this amazing season.
The summer light is so bright even squinting is not enough; the blue sky appears to be a seamless sheet so delicately draped over the emerald plushness of the land. The sky so blue, and nearly... yes, nearly clairvoyant, it clears all clouds from my heart and reminds me of nothing except my blessings. And the trees! The trees! They rustle and whisper and coyly hide the twittering birds among their leaves. All the soft movements they make remind me of a slow waltz. Petunias and begonias smile their brilliant pink and red blossoms as their leaves slowly curl to escape the heat. The hardy long grass of the fields sway with the breeze, and yet, even they seem to wilt a bit under the oppressive heat.
The animals retreat to any reprieve of the blinding light they may find. In the shade of an old maple tree, the horse hangs her head, bored, as her long tail swishes at the flies. The dog lays flat on his side beneath the porch with his head splayed back. He lifts his head and pants; his tongue in sync with his inflating... deflating belly.
Looking up to the crystalline sky through tittering oak leaves, a little reservoir in my chest springs a leak of joy; it spurts and sputters until it has broken through and becomes a flood into my veins.
The summer light is so bright even squinting is not enough; the blue sky appears to be a seamless sheet so delicately draped over the emerald plushness of the land. The sky so blue, and nearly... yes, nearly clairvoyant, it clears all clouds from my heart and reminds me of nothing except my blessings. And the trees! The trees! They rustle and whisper and coyly hide the twittering birds among their leaves. All the soft movements they make remind me of a slow waltz. Petunias and begonias smile their brilliant pink and red blossoms as their leaves slowly curl to escape the heat. The hardy long grass of the fields sway with the breeze, and yet, even they seem to wilt a bit under the oppressive heat.
The animals retreat to any reprieve of the blinding light they may find. In the shade of an old maple tree, the horse hangs her head, bored, as her long tail swishes at the flies. The dog lays flat on his side beneath the porch with his head splayed back. He lifts his head and pants; his tongue in sync with his inflating... deflating belly.
Looking up to the crystalline sky through tittering oak leaves, a little reservoir in my chest springs a leak of joy; it spurts and sputters until it has broken through and becomes a flood into my veins.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Mirrors
Read this beautiful post:
Heal Your Life - Be a Magnet for Love
This part, “I believe that the Universe is always mirroring back to us our beliefs about our selves and the world. If we believe the world is a loving and friendly place, then most of the time that will be our experience.” makes me believe that even through my depression and pessimism, I must have had a loving, hopeful heart somewhere deep inside.
Why might I believe this? Well, if that statement is true, then I have unknowingly (until now) manifested those beliefs. My life has been blessed with an amazing, supportive family; true-blue, always-there-for-you friends; wonderful coworkers and supervisors. People are surprisingly kind to me. The clerk at the grocery store who asks me if I am surviving my Monday, the man who stopped to change my flat tire for me, the woman at the coffee shop who told me I was beautiful... Maybe these things happen to everyone but I feel so lucky to have these experiences.
When I was younger someone wise told me that when two people interact, no matter how miniscule, each person's life has been impacted in some small way. I have never wanted to be the person who made another's day bad, so I feel compelled to leave people with a smile or a thank you even if some days it is difficult to find one. Maybe these core beliefs are the reason I have been so blessed with remarkable relationships. I never really saw this before.
Heal Your Life - Be a Magnet for Love
This part, “I believe that the Universe is always mirroring back to us our beliefs about our selves and the world. If we believe the world is a loving and friendly place, then most of the time that will be our experience.” makes me believe that even through my depression and pessimism, I must have had a loving, hopeful heart somewhere deep inside.
Why might I believe this? Well, if that statement is true, then I have unknowingly (until now) manifested those beliefs. My life has been blessed with an amazing, supportive family; true-blue, always-there-for-you friends; wonderful coworkers and supervisors. People are surprisingly kind to me. The clerk at the grocery store who asks me if I am surviving my Monday, the man who stopped to change my flat tire for me, the woman at the coffee shop who told me I was beautiful... Maybe these things happen to everyone but I feel so lucky to have these experiences.
When I was younger someone wise told me that when two people interact, no matter how miniscule, each person's life has been impacted in some small way. I have never wanted to be the person who made another's day bad, so I feel compelled to leave people with a smile or a thank you even if some days it is difficult to find one. Maybe these core beliefs are the reason I have been so blessed with remarkable relationships. I never really saw this before.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Oh, so grateful
There is a person in my life with whom I have a very business-like relationship yet I feel so warm and thankful towards this person, I feel teary when I think of him. My psychiatrist. I met him 3 years ago after a plethora of incompetent, uncaring doctors I placed my hope in for years and years beforehand. The doctor I call my own has believed in me from the first day we met. I remember discussing my issues with him and the deepseated hopelessness I felt. He told me that I must have had a tiny bit of hope left since I was there with him. It was true! It took me a moment to register this and immediately I felt relief. Someone cared. Someone got me. Someone had hope for me. That day he promised me that I would make me better. He said he would guide me but ultimately I would heal to the extent I wanted. He promised that we would get to the bottom of the issues I was dealing with. I knew from that point forward I had someone dedicated to helping me recover. I felt a hint of faith.
Fast forward 3 years and here I am. Free.
At appointments before, I had attempted to express my gratefulness and appreciation for his dedication in helping me; failing, I think, to make him understand. My last appointment with him was monumental for both of us, I think. I was, as always, happy to see him and proudly report my progress. As I was walking towards the door, he motioned me to stop. With a reserved half-smile, he said he was proud of me and my success. He said he rarely saw the progress I had made in 3 short years; that most people spent their life struggling to get to the point that I had gotten to. I was stunned. People suffered for years upon years like that–their progress so slow? My only thought at that point was "It is because of you." I told my doctor that. He smiled at me and I think his eyes even got a little misty.
Dr. Tom, it is because you believed in me. Thank you.
Fast forward 3 years and here I am. Free.
At appointments before, I had attempted to express my gratefulness and appreciation for his dedication in helping me; failing, I think, to make him understand. My last appointment with him was monumental for both of us, I think. I was, as always, happy to see him and proudly report my progress. As I was walking towards the door, he motioned me to stop. With a reserved half-smile, he said he was proud of me and my success. He said he rarely saw the progress I had made in 3 short years; that most people spent their life struggling to get to the point that I had gotten to. I was stunned. People suffered for years upon years like that–their progress so slow? My only thought at that point was "It is because of you." I told my doctor that. He smiled at me and I think his eyes even got a little misty.
Dr. Tom, it is because you believed in me. Thank you.
Monday, June 13, 2011
She knew she could do anything
The Art Fest was in GF this past weekend. I love it! People are so amazingly creative and have the most clever minds. I could have spent a fortune, but came home with two bars of soap and a necklace. The front side of the pendant is a victorian picture of a woman with the words "She knew she could do anything." The back side of the pendant has a victorian picture of a woman's backside and reads "Then she got off her ass and did it."
I think that sums up where I am sitting in life.
I think that sums up where I am sitting in life.
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